Summer Rainbow

I am my god

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Stay small forever oh please:(<\3 

I just wish she would stop growing stay tiny forever an ever always fall asleep cuddled in my arms the way she does I don’t ever want these wonderful days with her to end!! She’s starting to make so many noises while she sleeps an she’s smilinso much more an staying awake almost half the day(: an I’m happy for all that’s to come don’t get me wrong but it’s breaking my heart her not being the tiny little newborn she was when i first held her in my arms so sweet a new mom knowing the bear minimum of how to care for this little thing, mother hood has come to me so naturally I’m so in love with this girl an I’ve got a hang of all this stuff so fast, still make some little mistakes but man it’s so much fun being here for her, even when she’s mad an crying I can’t help but laugh because she’s so adorable her little tiny baby fits she gets all mad an scratches my face an starts even punching me it’s so fucking cute!!!(x an that’s exactly why I wish she’d stop growing eventually it wount be cute anymore eventually I’ll have to curve that anger an not just laugh at it, an one day me cuddling with her when she’s fussy isn’t going to be what she needs, an one day when she’s tired an being bad I wount be able to wrap her up in a little baby burrito an pace back an forth an rock her asleep then watch her sleep so peacefully. I just want the growing to stop. Or time to stand still an it just be me an this little baby girl. I love Chris so much for giving me the wonderful life I have an am able to spend all my time with her telling me I don’t need to work an that I can just take care of them, I’m happy with exactly that although I still plan to work after she’s big enough for me to leave so our lives can be the best it can be I’m so lucky to have this right now. He got me a ring an I’m so super excited it will be here Thursday it had to be sized I can’t wait to get it!!!(:

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the whispered “oh my god”… the look of of humiliation on the childs face… the brother is tired

lmfao I am both of them at the same time

(Source: vinegod, via heyitsstutters)

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Aurora Ayala Renee Dixon

The reason I chose to name my child Aurora is not because of sleeping beauty like everyone thinks that’d be ridiculous! Haha I’m getting so annoyed with family an friends saying that ohh like sleeping beauty bullshit! Does no one know of maybe the Aurora borealis or maybe roman goddess of dawn? In Latin that’s what Aurora means dawn… It’s also a star in the constellation of Orion which is one of the constellations Chris always points out to me, it was going to be either Aurora or Callisto Callisto is a star in Orion’s Belt, I love the stars I’m always staring at them in amazement my grandpa told me stories of the stars as a child and when I was a little girl I told him I’d name my children after the stars. Next kids name is going to be mxj1230 ah ahahaha just kidding, I don’t even know if we will have another child. But yeah she is named after a star an a goddess because I feel that a name with deep meaning gives a person depth in their personality I want her to be so amazing an stand out in people’s minds an hearts, I get that a lot that I’m a memorable person, my name was chosen before the thought of me even existed and it has a lot of meaning, it sounds self centered but it’s only from what people have said and who cares honestly everyone’s a little self centered is that really a bad thing as long as it’s in moderation. My child may be full of her self for a while but that’s just fine(: she’s going to be beautiful and she will be very aware of that Ill just make the effort of helping her become humble and modest about those things. Her life is going to be a lot better then my husbands and my life was as a child and that’s obvious from how we have changed, making the effort to quit smoking and taking this new life path making better choices with the options given… She’s one lucky little girl, I’m so happy we are blessed an able to give her all that she needs.

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Ohh my daughter I love her unconditionally she’s so amazing already smart little infant child she picks up her hunky and puts it back in her mouth, she’s got the making of greatness in her!!(: I sing Disney song to her and cuddle her all day I’m so lucky to be blessed with such a good baby she hardly cries it’s so hard for her to even get mad, she’s a little daddy’s girl too(x it’s adorable the minute her daddy gets home if she’s asleep she wakes up an if she’s awake an I got her she will crie till he picks her up its beautiful when she lays on his chest she opens her arms all wide an holds onto him so tightly that when he goes to pull her off or lay her down next to him she tightens more like noooo!! I wanna lay on you!!(x so beautiful I’m so in love! She has a little sweet adorable attitude personality too, it shines

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So today’s Chris’s first day working his new old job(x he’s working with my dad again an this time he’s very excited I’m so proud that he made the right decision in us moving back out here to Texas for him to make some real money because I was starting to get real sad seeing us struggle like we were and the crazy thing is if we didn’t do this our little Aurora wouldn’t have had diapers this week, we would have been struggling to pay rent I probably would have had to sell some drugs real quick to make the rest of it up, things all happen for a reason, an although we are far away from comfort and all the wonderful friends an family we love being a parent is all about making sacrifices for your child an I’m happy to spend every moment with this beautiful little life I’ve made, I love being a mommy an I’m so happy being here for her whenever she needs me, she makes life worth living, I have finally found a purpose an not smoking weed doesn’t bother me one single bit I’m not agitated or upset that I’m unable to smoke I’m more proud that I have finally found my reason to keep going my happiness is in her an I’m sure this feeling of attachment will fade slightly but as of now I’m so content with being by her side every moment, if I’m not all I do is wonder an worry if she needs me I haven’t been out of her sight for more then an hour an it drove me crazy! But I guess it’s normal after all I was carrying her with me every moment every day for 40 weeks it’s the hardest thing to do right now leave her alone hell no she’s my precious baby girl! She needs to be with her momma an her cries are so little if I’m gone or if I’m away ill never hear her little voice. I’d feel so bad. I don’t understand how some mothers could simply walk away she gives me the best feeling an all I’m doing is changing poopy diapers and feeding her my nipples are sore as fuck from breast feeding and I’m engorged but that doesn’t matter because her health is most important to me an her teeny tiny baby smile makes my world go round(: